Can Facebook make you a better parent? How to use technology to be a better mommy!

So... Yesterday my two oldest kids were with their father for a few hours after school. I took advantage of being "down" two kids and took the remaining two to the grocery store. About an hour after school was out and halfway through the store, I got a call from my daughter (G) on her fathers' girlfriends' (M) cell phone. She wanted to know if it was all right if she watched the movie "17 Again" with Zak Effron. The movie is rated PG-13 and she is nine. I would have thought that would have been enough information for a "no", but it is not at their house so I had to do some checking. M told G she didn't think it would be a problem since it just had some kissing and swearing in it. Now, don't get me wrong, I adore M and consider her a friend, but we have very different parenting styles so I knew we probably were not going to see eye to eye on this issue. I told G she had to give me a minute to do some research and I would get back with her.


I immediately sent a text message to a friend of mine that has a daughter the same age as G. I asked her if she had let her daughter watch the movie when it came out. Unfortunately, she hadn't even heard of the movie, so I was out of luck on that end, but it had only taken me about 2 minutes to find out. Next step: the internet! I pulled up Google on my Blackberry, and typed in Dove Family Film Reviews. Jackpot!!

I quickly typed in "17 Again" and this is what I saw:     NOT DOVE FAMILY- APPROVED

http://www.dove.org/reviewpopup.asp?Unique_ID=7834 .

Well, I'm not some puppet for any foundation, and I have disagreed with them on some flicks (Harry Potter, for one), so I read why they had not approved it.

"Couples kiss including young couple; teen boy puts pressure on girl to sleep with him; talk about sex and protection in high school class; a high school basketball star gets girlfriend pregnant and then marries her; a comment about a four hour erection; implied sex outside of marriage between a couple who are seen waking up together."

That was enough for me! She's only nine, for Pete’s sake! So in about 5 minutes, I was able to determine if this movie was appropriate for my daughter all from the parking lot of the grocery store! Isn't technology great??!!

All that was left was to call my daughter back and tell her the "bad" news. She took it very well, and I must admit that I believe it was because M does a good job of backing me up and letting the kids know she respects my decisions.


So all of this got me thinking..."How else do I use technology to be a better parent?"

I use text messaging to keep in touch with my kids when they are with their father or are home alone. I use the internet to research recipes to find healthy, new ways to cook the same old staples I buy every month. I use The Dove Foundation site a lot these days. When money was not as tight, I would preview the movies myself. However, these days, I can't afford to watch the movie to decide if it's ok for them and then take the kids, too!

Facebook helps me keep in touch with other parents to stay on top of what "new" things are going around that our kids might be into and helps keep me in the "know" about what's hip and what's not. Lastly, I'm very strict about my kids’ use of the internet so they are only allowed to get on when we are supervising. That's the best way that technology helps make me a better mom, when we are "surfing" together...laughing, talking, and showing each other what we've found...it's great fun and brings us closer. :)

The First Day of Daycare

I have been dreading this day since I first felt the tiny little being fluttering inside. I have done all my homework, dotted i's and crossed t's, but I still can't stop feeling like I want to grab my little one and run....maybe even for Mexico!

My brain knows my baby will be safe and well cared for, but my heart cannot imagine that she will be happy with anyone but me.   Why is this so hard?  I've done this before.

Two times.

Each time I put off sending my child to daycare by staying home as long as we financially could so we could all benefit from my being a stay at home mom. It was the right decision for us, but it's not for everyone.

Each one of my kids has been in childcare at some point in thier lives and each one of them had a "First Day".   I remember my sons' first day of daycare.  He was almost 2 years old and I enrolled him in a part-time preschool program, just to be able to play with other kids his age.  I actually sat in the parking lot for 3 hours just waiting for his time to be up so I could take him home again!  I wasn't worried about his welfare, I trusted the provider and was very happy with the curriculm.  I just didn't have anything else to do while he was there!!  You can tell he was my first, can't you?? 
    With my oldest daughter it was a little different.  Her first day of "daycare" was actually in our home.  I was running my own daycare and was licensed for 12 children and had 3 assistants that worked for me.  I left her in their care when I was working my other job.  That time was understandably not difficult, either.  So why then, am I having so much trouble putting my youngest in daycare?
   My baby girl is turning 2 in a couple of months and my husband wants me to go back to work.  I am not ready to put her in daycare full time!  Maybe it's because she is so very little for her age.  She seems so helpless to me, but I know she's not!  She bosses her brothers and sister around like nobody's business!! 
Maybe it's because I know she is my last and I don't want to let go...it makes me so proud and sad at the same time to think of how much she has grown and changed in the past 21 months.  My baby isn't a baby anymore!    Maybe it's just because I know how hard it is to find good quality providers and I am not up to the task of searching for a provider for her.  I search for other people all the time, and I know how much work it is...I just prefer not to have to do it for myself!  :)
    When it comes right down to it,  I don't want her to be with anyone else.  Right now, I adore her and she adores me.  I know all too well that in a few years, that won't be the case and we may not be able to stand each other some days!  I am finding out everyday how rough the pre-teen and teen years are and I look at my older children and wonder where those sweet, adoring children went.  Well I still have this one and I want to treasure this time and make the most of every minute.  She very likely will be my last "baby" and I have been blessed enough to be able to be home with her and I'm not rushing her (or me) out of this blessing. 
    Funny to hear the Childcare Queen talking about being a stay at home mom, huh?  That's what our kids will do to us.  We will transform ourselves into entirely different beings just to be closer to them, to make them happy, to hear them giggle.  I am addicted to the sound of her laugh and the sound of her sleeping.  She is soflty snoring next to me right now as I type this.  I wouldn't trade that sound for anything in the world!    Her first day is gonna have to wait awhile...

A little personal...

I was going to do the second installment of "Walk a Mile in Their Shoes" tonight, but I am moved to go a different direction.
I had a goal to do informative and educational pieces with this blog, but this time I'm going to write from my heart.

Rules are NOT made to be broken. Rules are in place to protect us. Protect us from ourselves, from each other and from the worst of us. When people decide that the rules don't apply to them, innocent people get hurt. Am I being too vague? Let me be more specific...to hell with hurt feelings!
Childcare licensing rules exist for reasons. Just because we may not agree with them or may not always be able to see the importance of the rules, there are rules, there are laws, and they need to be obeyed and adhered to. When one person takes it upon themselves to live outside these rules, there are victims. Even when abuse and neglect aren't present.
Tonight I had to tell a mother that her daycare provider isn't licensed. The turmoil that this mother is going through was completely preventable! She now is struggling with the doubt that comes from trusting this person that has been lying to her for months. "What else has she been dishonest about?" In addition, she's now wondering about the quality of care her child has been receiving all this time. And last, but not least, she's got to figure out, quickly, where to place her daughter so she can continue to work and not lose her job. Because it is just a matter of time before this provider is shut down by the state -it is illegal to operate a daycare without a license in this state. And this is just one of the families in this providers care. All of those people's lives in turmoil and chaos because one person thought the rules didn't apply to them.
Maybe the provider thought she was doing them a favor. Maybe she thought she was such a great caregiver that she didn't need to be licensed. Who knows? Maybe it truly never occured to her that she should be following the laws of the state she lives in. I highly doubt this to be true since she thought ahead enough to tell families she was in the process of getting her license "renewed" , when asked whether or not she was licensed.

To say that I am angry about this is an understatement. There are so many wonderful, amazing, caring, and hard working child care providers that bust their butts and follow the rules EVERY DAY! Then someone comes along and taints the whole profession by their careless, reckless and selfish behavior.
The licensing process, while not easy, is not impossible. There are many sources of support and help for people interested in becoming licensed inlcuding area 4 C's Councils and the licensing consultants themselves. The bottom line, imho, is if you are passionate about caring for children, and you are good at what you do, you will be happy to get licensed to provide care.
I can't think of a single excuse for not being licensed if you are going to run a daycare. I believe in this so very much that I sponsor local providers to get the training they need to keep their licenses current.
We all have a role to play in solving this childcare crisis in our country. Good childcare providers are trying to make a living by providing quality care and hard working mothers and fathers are doing the best they can to pay a fair wage to those providers and still support their families. Something has got to give. I'm putting my money where my big mouth is....are you?

Walk a mile in their shoes...Seeing things through your providers’ eyes. Part 1

Childcare providers are professionals, not babysitters. As professionals, there are certain items that childcare providers want their customers to be aware of. I have put together a list of a few things we all need to know about the unbelievably challenging and incredibly rewarding childcare profession.


This is a business.
Childcare is a business and providers are professionals; please do not refer to them as babysitters. It is demeaning and even insulting. It is expected that professional care providers would have specific hours, rates, systems, and rules to help them maintain the levels of care and service that set them apart from babysitters. As parents, we should appreciate the time and effort that goes into creating handbooks, contracts and curriculum that further promote this professionalism and help set a higher standard for the quality of care.


Professional providers have the right to be paid for not only the care they provide, but their time, too.
Reasonable late fees are to be expected and should be enforced when and if parents abuse the drop off and/or pick up policies of their provider. It is also reasonable for providers to charge if a child does not attend on a day they were scheduled to attend. If the provider is holding a spot for your child, they have a right to be paid whether you choose to use the care or not. If they were not holding the spot for your child, another child would be there in their place and would be paying for that spot. Providers should also bill in advance and make no exceptions because some families tend to take advantage of childcare providers and, because of the very nurturing and caring nature of childcare providers, they tend to fall prey to sob stories. Strict adherence to these policies ensures your provider will be able to afford to continue to provide high quality care to your child. I want to urge parents to remember when you find yourself upset about the fees and costs associated with childcare that you would not work for free, would you?


You Really Do Get What You Pay For.
I often wonder why parents will spend more time and money checking out a used car they are considering buying than they do when choosing a childcare provider. Those same parents are often the same ones that complain about the cost of childcare, only to spend good dollar after bad on other, dare I say, less important items like housing, travel and luxuries like gym fees and beauty treatments. I know there are parents out there that truly can barely afford quality childcare on their salaries and wages. Those families have far more difficult decisions to make than whether or not to pass on the gym membership. I don’t pretend to have a solution for this national conundrum, but I do know that no parent should EVER choose a childcare provider based on price alone! I cannot stress this enough. There are too many unqualified people masquerading as professional providers that are only caring for children because they don’t want to flip burgers. There are many community and government programs available to help bridge the gap between struggling families ability to pay and quality providers’ compensation for quality of care given.


Good Fences Make Good Neighbors: Boundaries are good.
Professional care providers should give families a handbook that outlines the rules and guidelines for their business. Parents have the responsibility to be very clear about what is expected of them and what the provider will and will not be doing with your child. Discipline, transportation, food, and hygiene are all issues that parents should make sure they are in agreement with the providers’ philosophies. If not, you should find another care provider immediately.


Just remember that professional care providers take their jobs very seriously and we all benefit when our children receive high quality care. Part 2 coming soon...

Childcare Queen? Prove it!

Why do I call myself the Childcare Queen, you ask? Let me tell you ALL about it. I have been caring for children for most of my life and for ALL of my adult life.
I started as most young girls do, babysitting for neighbor kids and children at my church.
Before I entered college, I spent a summer working as a live-in nanny in Connecticut. What an interesting experience! But that's for a whole other posting...HINT: Ever read The Nanny Diaries? ;)
After I survived that summer, I realized that I truly had a gift for caring for children and decided that when I entered college, I would study Child Development with a goal to teach or counsel children. Along this long and winding road, I have been a live-in and live-out nanny for a combined 7 years for 4 different families. I have worked in daycare centers, taught pre-school, have run my own in-home daycare and have served on the board of a non-profit daycare center. In addition to all of this, I have 4 children who have all either been in some sort of childcare or currently are. I have seen childcare from EVERY possible view. It is for all of these reasons that I have dubbed myself, THE Childcare Queen!

I am excited to launch this blog because I can't wait to share my experiences with you and teach you what I have learned over the years. I truly believe parents all over can benefit from what I know and what I have experienced.
I look forward to sharing it all with you.