Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Stay at Home Mom vs. Working Mom...the battle within.

Stay-at-home moms (SAHM's) are better mothers than working mothers.  They love their children more.

     I am currently a SAHM and I struggle everyday to balance all the details of my home and family.  Laundry (with 6 people-we have A LOT of it), dishes, cooking, shopping (on a budget that would scare a single person), and all the appointments that come with 4 kids (Doctor, Dentist, Allergist, Orthodontist).  I try to do what I can to take care of many of the home improvement projects since my husband HATES doing them and I still try to carve out a little time for my writing.  My kids are healthy, happy, do well in school and never have to come home to an empty house.  I always have a snack waiting for them and am ready to help with homework while I cook dinner and keep the "baby" from tearing up their papers and my "just-picked-up" house.  I make things like personalized socks and duffel bags for their basketball teams.  I volunteer in their classrooms and go to just about every school function.  I hand-decorate their birthday cakes and throw lavish (yet frugal) parties for every birthday, including my hubbies.
     I get a tremendous sense of pride and accomplishment from taking care of my family full time. 
So I should feel like the perfect mom, right?
WRONG!
I still wonder if I'm doing the right things, making the right choices....Was I too tough on her? Should I have grounded him longer?  Did they get enough veggies today?  Did I work hard enough on potty training with the baby?  Did I do everything I can to show my husband how much I appreciate how hard he works for our family?  I have just as many doubts about being a mom as I did when I worked outside the home, and I haven't even mentioned the crap I get from the outside world about being a SAHM.

Some people I know don't agree that I am "working" when I stay at home to take care of my family.  I think they imagine me home, with my feet up, airing my freshly painted nails and popping bon-bons into my mouth, while watching some incredibly interesting movie or show.  If they could only see me, unshowered, lugging laundry up and down the stairs, cleaning up "Lord-knows-what" off the floor or ceiling or furniture or the baby.  I get the comments about when am I going to start working again and haven't I had a long enough "break". Or worse, they expect that I can't ever have anything important going on and think they can drop by anytime or ask me to do this favor or that favor.  Why not?  I stay at home, I can't possibly be doing anything.   HA!  They have no idea what I do all day long and they never will.
All I can do is just keep doing what I do because I know that SAHM's are good mothers because they work hard, love their kids and do the best for their families everyday.

So.......

Moms that work outside the home are better mothers than SAHM's.  They love their children more.

I left my job as Development Director for the state office of a national non-profit organization almost 2 years ago.  Before becoming this "expert" SAHM, I was a working mom for many years and a working SINGLE mom for 4 years.  I worked full time in some pretty stressful positions. With a degree in marketing, I have done everything from radio to event management. When I worked in radio and did events , I quite often worked well past 5pm and weekend work was the norm.
    We, my 2 children and I,  left the house before the sun rose and stumbled back home long after it had set.  I would nap on the couch while they ate whatever I defrosted or picked up for dinner that night.  I would catch my second (or third or even fourth) wind during bath time and we would laugh and giggle and catch up on how their days' went.  I somehow managed to get them to all their doctor and dentist appointments without losing my job.  I was still able to make it to some school functions and my kids had great birthday parties where all their friends had a great time.  We took fun vacations and they were involved in sports and other activities and I went to every practice and every game...except when I was out of town, for work.
    Working gave me a sense of pride and accomplishment.  I enjoyed the people I worked with, had a tremendous support system that helped me care for and love my kids, and the pay wasn't so bad, either!
Working allowed me to give my kids access to things they might not have had access to.  Gymnastics, basketball, video games, family vacations.  And I was able to give these to my kids because I worked hard to provide a better life for them and I believe I was a better mother because I was able to have a positive and lucrative outlet for all my creative energy.
   The downside was that my kids missed me and had to spend a lot of time with caregivers or friends.  They were never able to come home after school and rarely was I able to drop my youngest off at daycare without a clingy, crying goodbye.  But she was always happy when I picked her up and had nothing but fun and happy things to tell me about her days.  They were happy, well-adjusted kids and I was a happy, albeit exhausted, mommy.
I am still amazed at all I accomplished when I worked outside the home and all that all working moms accomplish everyday.  I was a good mom. I got a lot of criticism from some people about working too much and my kids complained occasionally about missing me, but we were very happy overall and my kids had a great life because I worked.
Moms that work outside the home are good mothers because they work hard, love their kids and do the best for their families everyday.

    As you can see, I am the worst person to try to debate this topic with.   
I have lived both sides and I know the TRUTH!  

The TRUTH:
The best moms are the ones that work hard, love their kids and 
do the best they can for their families EVERYDAY!