I have been dreading this day since I first felt the tiny little being fluttering inside. I have done all my homework, dotted i's and crossed t's, but I still can't stop feeling like I want to grab my little one and run....maybe even for Mexico!
My brain knows my baby will be safe and well cared for, but my heart cannot imagine that she will be happy with anyone but me. Why is this so hard? I've done this before.
Two times.
Each time I put off sending my child to daycare by staying home as long as we financially could so we could all benefit from my being a stay at home mom. It was the right decision for us, but it's not for everyone.
Each one of my kids has been in childcare at some point in thier lives and each one of them had a "First Day". I remember my sons' first day of daycare. He was almost 2 years old and I enrolled him in a part-time preschool program, just to be able to play with other kids his age. I actually sat in the parking lot for 3 hours just waiting for his time to be up so I could take him home again! I wasn't worried about his welfare, I trusted the provider and was very happy with the curriculm. I just didn't have anything else to do while he was there!! You can tell he was my first, can't you??
With my oldest daughter it was a little different. Her first day of "daycare" was actually in our home. I was running my own daycare and was licensed for 12 children and had 3 assistants that worked for me. I left her in their care when I was working my other job. That time was understandably not difficult, either. So why then, am I having so much trouble putting my youngest in daycare?
My baby girl is turning 2 in a couple of months and my husband wants me to go back to work. I am not ready to put her in daycare full time! Maybe it's because she is so very little for her age. She seems so helpless to me, but I know she's not! She bosses her brothers and sister around like nobody's business!!
Maybe it's because I know she is my last and I don't want to let go...it makes me so proud and sad at the same time to think of how much she has grown and changed in the past 21 months. My baby isn't a baby anymore! Maybe it's just because I know how hard it is to find good quality providers and I am not up to the task of searching for a provider for her. I search for other people all the time, and I know how much work it is...I just prefer not to have to do it for myself! :)
When it comes right down to it, I don't want her to be with anyone else. Right now, I adore her and she adores me. I know all too well that in a few years, that won't be the case and we may not be able to stand each other some days! I am finding out everyday how rough the pre-teen and teen years are and I look at my older children and wonder where those sweet, adoring children went. Well I still have this one and I want to treasure this time and make the most of every minute. She very likely will be my last "baby" and I have been blessed enough to be able to be home with her and I'm not rushing her (or me) out of this blessing.
Funny to hear the Childcare Queen talking about being a stay at home mom, huh? That's what our kids will do to us. We will transform ourselves into entirely different beings just to be closer to them, to make them happy, to hear them giggle. I am addicted to the sound of her laugh and the sound of her sleeping. She is soflty snoring next to me right now as I type this. I wouldn't trade that sound for anything in the world! Her first day is gonna have to wait awhile...
With my oldest daughter it was a little different. Her first day of "daycare" was actually in our home. I was running my own daycare and was licensed for 12 children and had 3 assistants that worked for me. I left her in their care when I was working my other job. That time was understandably not difficult, either. So why then, am I having so much trouble putting my youngest in daycare?
My baby girl is turning 2 in a couple of months and my husband wants me to go back to work. I am not ready to put her in daycare full time! Maybe it's because she is so very little for her age. She seems so helpless to me, but I know she's not! She bosses her brothers and sister around like nobody's business!!
Maybe it's because I know she is my last and I don't want to let go...it makes me so proud and sad at the same time to think of how much she has grown and changed in the past 21 months. My baby isn't a baby anymore! Maybe it's just because I know how hard it is to find good quality providers and I am not up to the task of searching for a provider for her. I search for other people all the time, and I know how much work it is...I just prefer not to have to do it for myself! :)
When it comes right down to it, I don't want her to be with anyone else. Right now, I adore her and she adores me. I know all too well that in a few years, that won't be the case and we may not be able to stand each other some days! I am finding out everyday how rough the pre-teen and teen years are and I look at my older children and wonder where those sweet, adoring children went. Well I still have this one and I want to treasure this time and make the most of every minute. She very likely will be my last "baby" and I have been blessed enough to be able to be home with her and I'm not rushing her (or me) out of this blessing.
Funny to hear the Childcare Queen talking about being a stay at home mom, huh? That's what our kids will do to us. We will transform ourselves into entirely different beings just to be closer to them, to make them happy, to hear them giggle. I am addicted to the sound of her laugh and the sound of her sleeping. She is soflty snoring next to me right now as I type this. I wouldn't trade that sound for anything in the world! Her first day is gonna have to wait awhile...
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